Four days ago my spine went out of alignment. This is nothing new for me. It seems to happen once or twice a year when I get overly confident on the limits of what my body can lift, do, or perform. So, for the past three days the pain has intensified. I have tried nearly every position known to man to try and get comfortable. I have sat cross legged on the floor with my back against the wall. I have laid flat on my back on the hard wood floor in the kitchen staring up at the recessed lighting and wondered why the builder of my house chose to install the can lights asymmetrical in the ceiling. (Disappointing to discover this five years after the house was built.) I also noticed a few cob webs, but they only serve as a reminder about how much I don’t like cleaning. I have laid on my back with both knees brought up to my chest for cycles of three minutes up and two minutes down over the course of an hour. I have lain on top of a swimming pool noodle on my bedroom floor hoping to relieve the pain. I learned this trick from a physical therapist a number of years ago. Her claim is that this noodle provides enough resistance to your spine so that your shoulders will fall back to touch the floor, thus stretching your core. I always hope it works, but end up feeling like I am five because I start rolling back and forth on the noodle until the spasms are so intense I howl out in pain. Laying and being still has never been one of my strong suits.
Last night I feverishly searched the Internet while lying on my stomach on the floor propping my head up with one hand in an effort to “stretch” my spine. I was looking for any video, article or suggestion for how to alleviate the intense spasms and the sciatica that has joined the intense spasms that jolt through my body like 240 volts of electricity. I found an interesting technique which didn’t seem to come with any endorsement from a physician. I threw caution to the wind and tried it out anyway. It calls for you to get into an empty bathtub and slowly move your back up and down the edge of the bathtub. It looked twice as strange it sounds. I didn’t know if you were supposed to have your clothes on or off. So, I opted for on since there wasn’t any water in the tub. Why would I need to disrobe? Getting into the tub was a fifteen minute expedition. Raising your leg high enough to get over the edge of the tub sent waves of spasms throughout my back. I howled some more with the hopes that noise will somehow lessen the pain. It doesn’t.
After the less than miraculous tub experience I realize how thirsty I am. So, I slide down the stairs on my bum step by step. I don’t recommend this on hard wood steps, sans carpet. I arrived on the main floor of my house and rustled up a glass- staring out the window as I pour a glass of cranberry juice. Refreshing! The spasms began and I took the cue to lay down on the floor again. I stared up at the ceiling for who knows how long watching the smoke detector blink every few seconds. I wondered if my dragon breath could set the alarm off if I blew upward hard enough to send the fire-like breath upward to the sensor. It did not.
So, in between all of my efforts to quiet the physical pain I am forced to be here with my thoughts. Driving has been out of the question because getting in and out of the car would require an act by Houdini. Here I am, stuck at home. I’ve pondered a lot of things this weekend. I can’t busy myself enough to stop the flow of thoughts I have had the past three days. With reluctance I’ve worked on answering some questions that I typically manage to push aside when I have the freedom of easy mobility. You know, things along the lines of “What really matters to you in life?” and “Where are you going? What goals do you have?” – None of those questions should be asked when you have nothing but time on your hands. Trust me. You’ll end up hating yourself.
After three days I am confident of these things… The cob webs need to be knocked down in the kitchen, the hard wood steps in my house are not comfortable to slide down on and I am sure that nobody in the world has ever realigned their spine using the edge of the bathtub. The light in the smoke detectors in my house blink 8 times per minute and they truly must only detect smoke, not dragon breath.
Looking forward to joining the work world again tomorrow provided the Motrin and heat pads will get me through! Here’s to personal reflection time. Do whatever you can to avoid it. J
