Rose Colored Glasses

Do you have mental gymnastics going on upstairs?  If not, read on!  I am an expert at it.  Let me share how it works. You know what I am talking about…..The key elements of mental gymnastics are second guessing, perseverating, denying, longing, anger………and the list goes on.  Surely you have done mental gymnastics at least once in your life.

Let’s get down to brass tacks and talk about the BEST strategies for cranking up a mental gymnastics routine…

First, you must be excellent at perseverating on something.  It works best with things that you have no control over and that you have absolutely no influence on.  For example, another person’s behavior.  Further, It works really well if this person is another adult and is someone who you have had strong feelings of attraction to.  Maybe you even had a relationship with them.  Only then can you REALLY get the mental spring board thrusting you onto the Pommel Horse and start the REAL Mental Whip Arounds! – You want a good workout, don’t you?

Secondly, simply think about all the things they have done that drive you mad.  Here are a few examples of things that are worthy of really working yourself up about. (This is for those of you who wouldn’t know where to begin)

• He or She calls and say they are on the way and somehow manage to never show up.  You call, text, pace, stamp your feet and wonder what act of nature might have swallowed up their car on the interstate while they were en-route. You may even peek out the window to see if there is a tornado passing by.  All of this for naught.  You come to find out later that they simply changed their mind and decided to go out with someone else that particular night, but blowing you off was easier for them so they didn’t have to face the guilt of telling you.
• Like the above, they say they are on the way and then ten minutes later text to say, “Sorry. Can’t make it today.”  Then twenty minutes later they call and say they ARE in fact coming over.  Then another call in 20 minutes saying they don’t feel well and aren’t going to come.  (If this one happens to you then you should feel amazed that you had the good fortune to have such a twisted web of lies that thrusts you into mental gymnastics like never before.  You are on the high bar.  Then you are on the balance beam.  You are flipping, somersaulting and swearin’.  It really is the best type of workout…mentally…in the gymnastics sense of the word. )  What they really are saying is that they would like to hang out with you if the other hot offer that just came in falls through, but they haven’t heard back from them with the confirmation so you might still be on, but it is unlikely.  Thus, the “I am not feeling well” excuse.
• “I’ll call you when I am off work.” –Ohhh, this is a good one too.  It gives you the opportunity to anticipate ALL day or ALL night long this alleged upcoming phone call to either look forward to or wait in anticipation for it to never come.  So, you think you are level-headed.  Maybe they just forgot to call you.  They got busy.  They worked late.  Right?  WRONG!  They stomped out of work at the regular time and are off gallivanting with someone else that they have a love interest in while hoping you will somehow not ever become wise to the fact that they are a liar and have multiple interests going at once. You can usually rationalize excusing the blown off phone call one or two times.  Once it reaches the double digits you can’t help but employ mental gymnastics to process its frequency.
• Next it is helpful if you can really hone in on some of your conversations.  The ones of particular interest are the ones where she or he casually hints around to wondering if you have an interest in someone else.  They don’t just come out and ask if you are interested in seeing someone else or if you are, but they drop hints like, “I bet you have lots of opportunities to see other people.” – “Ahhh….. Well, you guessed wrong, but you are good for my ego for thinking so.”  What that REALLY means when they say something like that is that THEY are seeing someone else, maybe even more than one someone else.  Mmm Hmmm.. Tell Tale Signs are when they start asking in beating around the bush ways if you are entertaining the idea of someone else.  TRANSLATION: They are already seeing and romantically involved with at least one other person. (Now these are not hard and fast rules.  You may be able to read into this some of my jaded outlook- This is for emphasis purposes) so, you take this as an opportunity to casually ask, “Why? Are there other people you’d like to see? Or have you met other people since we have been together?’ – You can tell this is a HOT button for her when she gets instantly irritated and says, “I never would do that!  Girls don’t do that.” – WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFE, KIDS! Run for your life if this happens, but ONLY if you want a break from the mental gymnastics.  If you want to keep the cycle spinning, hang in there longer!
• Romanticize the Memory~ this is, by far, the best way to hold onto this toxic person.  Remember the fleeting moments when it felt good to be with them.  Remember a funny conversation with them, or a particularly fulfilling afternoon together – ANYTHING that can get you into the dewy daydream state will work just fine.  THEN instantly remember the 9,627 times they left you hanging, were suddenly “sick” when they were supposedly on the way to your house and the emails they sent to and from other love interests.  – What? Emails to other love interests?  Mmmm Hmmmmm.
• Stumbling on information can be just perfect for jacking up your mental gymnastics routine.  This can happen in a number of different ways.  Perhaps the most taken off guard ones are the best.  For example, you are told to order up a pizza online when at her house. So, she throws you her smart phone to order up a pie online and she jumps in the shower.  You punch buttons to bring up the internet on this 4 inch screen (You forgot your glasses and you are nearing 40 so it is a challenge) and you see that her email inbox page is up and there are a series of emails from other guys that have eye-catching and ALARMING subject lines……Anything with “Oh, baby”, ‘Hey Babe” or “That was FUN last night” in the subject line is a red flag, kids. Well, you can just imagine where this is going.  It is wronger than wrong, beyond any sense of invasion of privacy to do it, but you simply must to keep the mental gymnastics going. You read a few of these emails.  After all it will only help your Mental Gymnastics go to a level they haven’t yet reached.  You will know you are at this level when the instant pang strikes your chest and sometimes your lower gut.  This is typically coupled with your lower jaw falling and your brows scrunching up. You have proof staring you in the face that your romanticized memories of this person are of little value.  You have to think fast.  Are you ready to storm out and simply explain that you aren’t really a match for her anymore?  Do you confess that you just read some of her email? Of course you don’t!  That would put a stop to the mental gymnastics that have you flipping, flopping, and second guessing which is holding you in this state of disbelief.  Nope. Instead you quickly order the pizza and perseverate in her presence about these other “friends” that clearly more is going on with.

But what about the day when you finally can’t ignore that continuing on with the mental gymnastics will, in the end, destroy you?  You swallow a great deal of pride and realize this person is much stronger than you are and you are no match for his or her elaborate behavior.

What about when the time comes to trade in the rose colored glasses and to stop pretending that this person is the “one and only” when really they are just unremarkable?  (Oh, Been there, have you?)

What about when you can’t ignore the oppressive falsehood that remembering the relationship somehow preserves it or connects you to this person?

What about the moment when you finally can see that this wasn’t about love?  What powered this attraction to this person was really about your soul’s desire to heal the past? (Mmm Hmmm… I read that somewhere and thought there is no way there is any truth to that statement.  Yet, I have read it a dozen times since then and still can’t say with 100% certainty that it isn’t true.  Isn’t doubt just unresolved truth?)

In the end you can’t let yourself ignore that this whole experience of “love” was just an illusion.  It was temporary and in reality it wasn’t love.

I say storm through the door, people! – Pack it up, move ‘em out and NEVER turn back. Shed a tear, or cry a river, but get yourself free~