Sarcasm, cynicism, or flippancy...These things are the core of who I am. Typically these are the things that get a laugh from close friends and colleagues, but what do they really mean?
Experts assert that sarcasm, cynicism and flippancy are just disguised anger. I am stopped in my tracks wondering if this could be true, people. (Then I come to the realization that anything that makes me stop and re-evaluate must have an element of truth or I would dismiss it without slowing the pace. – I mentally pat myself on the back because this seems very grown up of me to recognize this. I’ve always been my best fan.)
So, here I am, displacing anger left and right. (Expert at it) – I should stop here and apologize unilaterally to all those who have been in the path of my displaced anger. Sorry to all those who have been on the receiving end of a zinger haphazardly cast onto them in my craze of displacing anger. I am a dolt, but I appreciate your willingness to receive the bountiful unpleasantness that I tend to give… I really do.…But what has me so angry? – Now, I know what I am angry about, but I am good at ignoring the truth. So, I look further for a more convenient source to blame so as not to have to uncover and expose the real root of the problem. (This is where you nod because you do the same thing, right?)
Then, reluctantly, I read about other behavior that indicates one might be angry. I read that the “angry” (apparently there is a growing mass of us out there) need to maintain control in their life and it can present itself in ways that are illogical. (I smile because I think I know this…even without a psychology background) Examples of the illogical include telling yourself that if you “let go” you are somehow signaling to whomever you are mad at that they are right and you are somehow admitting you are wrong. Logically, all you are really doing is letting go of frustration. You are not giving up your personal power. (Novel idea.) This makes me want to know more.
I cringe as I read what experts say you should do about this. These know it alls say if you can “let go” of the negative loop that plays in your mind you can again release patterns of thinking or behavior that have control over you. So, I can’t ignore this one. The negative loop in my mind is often directed at me with such tracks as “You are not too smart.” – Though I use other more derogatory words. This is the G version of what is played. Or, “You will never be able to do better.” – All negative, and the funniest thing is that whatever happens that I am angry about is somehow flipped back on me. It happens so automatically now that I have to catch myself to stop the track. Too late. Often it has already played a dozen times as breakneck speed. Interesting… and I am not sure I fully believe that is what is happening, but for the sake of conversation I will agree.
So, how do the bull-headed “let go”? – I stare in the mirror and identify that I am one of them, but how does one “let go”? – What does it look like? What does it feel like and most importantly, how will you know when you have succeeded in letting go? Well, people, I tell you... we are about to find out~
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